A Modest Proposal

Once again, we begin to wind up into the national frenzy of politics, the cheapest and most demeaning form of entertainment available. Personally, while I go headlong Hunter S. into it all with the savage frenzy of the gambling addict, I see that the time has come to actually face the facts and the true situation. I make no suggestion to the Federal Government, nor to any of the potential candidates for President or any other office up for sale, but choose here to focus on the state in which I reside: Indiana.

If need be, the following would be my platform, should I be drafted to run, or drafted into the office of Governor via write-in vote.

1) Make the Indiana State Police the single most well-equipped, well-staffed and highest paid police force in the history of Earth, third planet from the sun. The reason? The police force of this state is sadly none of the above. No officer of the law should ever, for any reason, be paid so poorly as to cause them to rely on outside aid for their family. Being in a position of constant stress, any officer that has to be concerned with the next meal their family may or may not be able to have tends to make them (or any human) rather grumpy, and seriously, do we need armed, uniformed peace officers to be grumpy? No. We give them a badge, and a gun, so why not put them in a more calm state of mind.

2) Any illegal immigrant found within the borders of this state will be given the following options: become legal or leave. If they choose to stay, they must become citizens by following all of the normal means. Any assistance needed for this, i.e., education, will be paid for by the state of Indiana (50%) and their current employer (the remaining 50%). Once a month, they will be shown on television, being sworn in as legal citizens of this state, and of the United States Of America. Those who chose to not become legal citizens will be shot. Along with their employers. Just to make a point.

3) Eliminate the welfare system as currently known by increasing employment by 100% within the borders of the state. The means by this is to work with the Habitat For Humanity group, all of the service groups currently in place for the homeless and indigent. If someone is on welfare and is capable of service or work in some manner, their pay, complete with benefits, will be based on the work done. Those who simply refuse to participate and are capable of work will be shot. Along with their families. Just to make a point.

4) The sanctity of marriage must be defended at all costs. Marriage is the common bond that holds all of society together, and the single greatest threat posed to the institution of marriage is divorce. Thus, ending divorce as it is now is the single greatest means of protecting the institution. While eliminating divorce in its entirety would be best, it must be understood that under the saddest and most extreme cases the health of the populace if not their lives are in jeopardy. So, to defend it further, then, those trapped in a marriage of violence and abuse will be given the authority to report such matters to the police, and the offending party or parties will then be shot. Any person accusing someone of violence and/or abuse that drops the charges more than three times will be shot. Any person shown to use an accusation that is unfounded will be shot.

5) To further protect the sanctity of marriage, effective immediately, all married persons in the state of Indiana will pay no taxes whatsoever on the first $150,000 made per year. That being said then the most obvious next step would allow anyone who wishes to become married, regardless of the gender of those wishing to become married, can do so within the state of Indiana. All parties must agree to live within the state for no less than five years to use the tax break. Those who become married within the state of Indiana and do not remain within the state for that length of time will be shot, regardless of the gender of the parties involved.

6) Any corporate entity currently existing within the borders of the state of Indiana, or wishing to do so, must agree to stay in the borders for no less a time period of ten years. During that time, there will be no taxes whatsoever levied against any corporate entity. If the corporate entity wants to leave prior to that ten years, or leaves without assuring that their existing staff has some form of gainful employ will be charged a back tax of 100% of the corporate gross effective immediately, will lose the land ownership rights of the properties involved and all means of production left within the state borders. All parties within management of these corporate entities, regardless of their location anywhere on Earth, third planet from the sun, will be brought before a televised panel to explain why the actions were taken, giving them a chance to explain the causes and reasons. They will then be shot. Along with their families. Just to make a point.

7) Reducing a state deficit being mandatory, as well as living within the budget, each member of Congress, both representatives and senators, will be held accountable for their performance. The entire state must be considered, not merely a portion of it. To ensure the clarity of mind of each elected official, the following changes must be made effective immediately:

A) Representatives will be paid the average wage of the district from which they came.
B) Senators will be paid the median wage of the district from which they came.
C) The Governor will be paid the average wage of the entire state.
D) The Supreme Court will be paid the mean wage of the entire state.
E) No elected official may remain in office more than three terms.
F) All members of Congress will be required to use the largest medical care provider from the district from which they came, the Governor and Supreme Court will be required to use the largest medical care provider from the state. All will be required to pay for their own medical care coverage out of pocket.
G) Any elected official that does not live by the above standard will be shot. As well as their families. Just to prove a point.

8) Raising income and reducing costs at the same time would be the best of all possible worlds, so effective immediately, marijuana will be legal in the state of Indiana. Not for medical purposes, not decriminalized but legal, produced and marketed solely by the state of Indiana. The product will then be controlled tightly. All revenues from the sales of the product are to be used to fund the Indiana State Police, the schools of the state, the state highways and the improvement of border control. The use of any motorized vehicle while under the influence of marijuana will be treated as if the offender was under the influence of alcohol, which traditionally in the state of Indiana is called a felony but is treated more like a misdemeanor. To increase public awareness of the seriousness of this matter, anyone found operating any form of motorized vehicle while under the influence of marijuana or alcohol in the state of Indiana will be given the option of assistance in returning to their home. If refused, or if damage of any manner to property or injury to anyone, the offender will be shot.

Thank you for your attention, and remember: vote early, and vote often.

On The Invocation Of The Sacred Laws Of Hospitality

The Sacred Laws are mentioned more than once in the finely crafted written prose of Rex Stout, creator of the Nero Wolfe series. It is usually that character, Wolfe, who invokes the Sacred Laws. Sadly, these Laws were never delineated or explained. Thus, this situation needs be rectified, and this author humbly submits here his limited understanding of these Laws.

The Sacred Laws of Hospitality are simple, but not simplistic. They are all-encompassing but only in that the individuals involved understand that the Laws apply to all parties involved.

To begin: in the invocation of the Laws, there are two separate parties involved. These two parties have specific and well-defined positions. The are: The Guest and The Host.

Notice, first, that these two parties are gender generic. They carry no indication of skin color, religion, politics, sexual preference, etc.

The first segment then of the Laws: Know Thy Place. Are you Guest or are you Host?

This allowance for understanding of one's place is essential, as there are two, and only two, rules that follow. These two rules apply both to Guest and Host, and are not malleable, although they can be applied in a nearly infinite variety of form.

How does one identify one's place?

Are you approaching the door seeking admittance or are you about to open the door to allow admittance?

It is usually the Guest that seeks entrance, and it is usually the Host which allows entrance.

The Two Rules Of The Sacred Laws Of Hospitality then, are as follow:


1) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
2) That which you would not have others do unto you, do not do those things unto others.

Is this not simple? Perhaps, but then again, perhaps not as simple as one would believe at first blush.

The simplest situation would be that of the Guest being Invited. The Invitation implies that the Invocation will begin.

The Invitation, in its many, varied forms, comes down to this: Please come to me.

The Answer, then: Yes (Acceptance) or; No (Answer. An Answer does not necessarily imply rejection.)

On Acceptance, then, the Guest comes to the door of the Host and knocks. As the Guest is expected, having accepted, the Host opens, and allows the Guest entry.

What if the Guest is unexpected or unannounced?

The same rules apply. As before, then: if the Guest comes to the door unexpected, the Guest should follow the two rules. If the roles were reversed, and the (pending) Host were to come to the door of the (unexpected) Guest, how would the (unexpected) Guest treat the (pending) Host?

Thus, one can see many social situations falling into place.

Upon admittance, the Host then bears a certain responsibility. If the Guest was invited, then, the Host presumably has an understanding of the Guest and the Guest's life/lifestyle/etc.

Example: If the Host is one whose dietary habits are unrestricted in any manner, then the Host must take into account the dietary habits of the Guest. Jews and Muslims, for example, would be ill-treated by a Host serving pork, vegans ill-served by meats, etc. Further: health considerations (i.e., diabetes, alcoholism, etc.) should also be included.

Further: If the Guest has such concerns, they should be made understood prior to arrival. If the Guest does not do so, it is up to the Guest to not consume that which is improper and/or unhealthy, and to guide any questions regarding the rejection with the manner in which the Guest would wish to be addressed while in the home of the Guest.

Do you begin to see? Is it not clear?